Five Really Stupid Guys

At HardyMag we pride ourselves in catering to a relatively intelligent and sophisticated male audience, however, some members of our gender seem determined to reinforce male stereotypes of stupidity which have existed since caveman days.  By recognizing these inhabitants of the shallowest end of the gene pool we hope to provide you with a quick laugh along with a short list of really dumb moves to be avoided at all costs.

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Stupid Stalking

An unidentified jealous boyfriend in San Jose, CA recently exhibited a strong sense of stupidity when he attempted to break the windshield of his ex’s car — with a shotgun. Unfortunately for this possessive idiot, the shotgun discharged after making contact with the windshield thus blowing a huge hole in his chest — killing him with a literal and figurative broken heart.

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Tough Wake-up Call

You think you’ve had tough mornings after long nights of partying?  Ken Berger of Newton, NC recently had quite an unpleasant morning when he was awakened after being out all night by the shrill sound of his ringing cell.  This genius went to grab the phone to answer it, but he accidentally picked up his loaded 38 Special which he brilliantly set next to his cell on his nightstand.  Holding the gun up to his ear thinking it was his phone, this proved to be his last call as he pulled the trigger thus blowing his (surely small) brains out.

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It Was Gonna Happen One Way Or The Other

Michael Godwin was a lucky man.  Convicted of murder and sitting on death row, Mr. Godwin was fortunate enough to be assigned an attorney who fully worked the system — getting his death sentence commuted and avoiding an appointment with old sparky.  However, Mr. Godwin’s lack of intelligence proved to be even a more powerful force than legal technicalities. After being released from death row into general population, he was sitting on his (metal) toilet attempting to fix his malfunctioning television set.  When he attempted to solve the problem by biting into a wire he was electrocuted to death.  The prison would not confirm reports of hysterical laughing among both the corrections officers and Godwin’s fellow inmates.

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Hillbilly Mechanic Of the Year Award

Two good ‘ole boys from Arkansas, Billy Ray Wallis and Thurston Poole, were returning home after a long day of frog hunting when the headlights of their pick-up truck began to malfunction.  The two aspiring mechanics determined that the fuse had burned out, and having no replacement handy they devised the brilliant idea of inserting a 22 caliber bullet into the fuse box as a temporary fix.

To their surprise, this quick fix worked and they were merrily on their way back home until the bullet overheated and discharged directly into Thurston’s right testicle.  Understandably distracted, he swerved from the road into a tree thus breaking his friend Billy Ray’s clavicle.  Except for a missing testicle, the men emerged from the ordeal relatively unscathed. Apparently, Thurston’s wife wasn’t a big fan of his nuts seeing that the only thing she wanted to know when advised of the accident by the Deputy was whether anyone saved the frogs.

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Final Verdict

The verdict is in, and Garry Hoy is (was) officially the dumbest attorney in Canada.  The 39 year old partner at the esteemed Toronto law firm of Holden Day Wilson was giving a tour of the firm to law students desiring to obtain a coveted clerking position at the firm.  Attempting to impress his young audience, Mr. Hoy expounded upon the state of the art technology within the firm — even including the high-impact floor to ceiling windows providing panoramic views of Toronto.

To emphasize his point, Mr. Hoy asserted that the windows could easily withstand the full force of a running person and displayed this by charging full force into a near-by window. Unfortunately, the windows weren’t quite up to snuff and Mr. Hoy burst through it falling 25 stories down to his death.  No word on whether this drew a standing ovation from his rapt audience of law students.

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