Spicy Dinner Menu From Hell

Spicy food has been shown to trigger an adrenaline rush akin to what is experienced when sky or muff diving.  The following is a dinner menu which will challenge even those with the most ironclad stomachs.  If you have a friend who brags that they can handle food no matter how spicy and you wish to put him to the test — here is a full menu guaranteed to have him crying like a baby by the time dinner is over.

Appetizer

This menu begins with an appetizer named Fire Balls.  This dish will effectively set the tone of the meal from hell and have your guests grabbing for their water in relatively short order.  You’ll need:

  • 4 pounds mixed between ground beef and hot Italian sausage
  • 1 head of minced garlic
  • 4 chopped onions
  • 12 chopped jalapeno peppers
  • 1 tablespoon of dehydrated scotch bonnet peppers
  • 3 cups of Harissa sauce (look out!)

Preparation is easy (digestion is not).  Simply combine all of the above ingredients and form into round balls.  Bake at 400 degrees for 20-25 minutes or until well done.  Top with your favorite Buffalo Wing sauce to add an extra dose of pain.

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Salad

The Wasabi Salad fits the bill for this brutally hot menu, and it is fairly easy to prepare (just combine all ingredients).  For the salad you’ll need:

  • Half a chopped red bell pepper
  • 2 lightly boiled chopped eggs
  • 2 finely chopped green onions
  • 1 finely chopped long red Thai pepper
  • Package of your favorite greens

For the dressing, combine the following being sure that the wasabi powder is completely dissolved before serving:

  • 1 tablespoon of rice vinegar
  • 1 tablespoon of peanut oil
  • 1 tablespoon of soy sauce
  • 1 tablespoon of wasabi powder

Salads are supposed to provide cooling relief, however, this one will only add to the pain.

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Soup

For the soup course, the perfect choice is Scotch Bonnet Soup.  Needed ingredients are:

  • One pound of shin beef cut into small cubes
  • 1/4 pound shelled shrimp
  • 1/2 pound of trimmed spinach
  • 2 chopped onions
  • 1 full Scotch Bonnet pepper
  • 2 crushed garlic cloves
  • 1 teaspoon dried thyme
  • Salt and pepper to taste

Start by placing the beef in a large saucepan and adding sufficient water to cover.  Bring to a boil and then reduce heat simmering for 90 minutes.  In another pan combine the spinach with water and cook for ten minutes over medium heat.  Drain the spinach and blend to a puree. Add the Scotch Bonnets, thyme, garlic, onions and spinach puree to the meat.  Simmer for another 20 minutes.

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Main Course

The main course for this painful culinary experience will be Habanero Steak.  All that is required are a few top sirloin steaks, your grilling skills and the following ingredients needed to make your nefarious marinade:

  • 2/3 of a cup of frozen OJ concentrate – thawed
  • 1/3 cup freshly squeezed lime juice
  • 1/2 cup tequila
  • 2 tablespoons fresh ginger – chopped
  • 2 tablespoons olive oil
  • 5 cloves of garlic – minced
  • 1 teaspoon extra hot New Mexican chile powder
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 1 large habanero pepper – minced

Combine all of the above ingredients and marinade the steaks in this concoction for at least five hours.  Grill the steaks brushing with the marinade while they cook.

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Vegetable

For your veggie, Spicy Baked Zucchini will provide your greens without pulling back on the heat level.  To make this side dish you’ll need:

  • 2 large zucchinis sliced thin
  • 1 egg
  • 1/8 teaspoon ground nutmeg
  • 1 thinly sliced green onion
  • 2 chopped jalapeno peppers
  • 2 chopped serrano chilis
  • 1 teaspoon prepared mustard
  • 1/2 cup grated Swiss cheese
  • Ground white pepper to taste

Drain the moisture off the sliced zucchini on paper towels.  Combine all remaining ingredients.  Add the zucchini and thoroughly mix.  Lightly oil a two quart casserole dish and spread out the zucchini mixture.  Bake at 350 degrees for 40 minutes.

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Bread

The Habanero Cornbread you will serve with this meal will provide no respite from the heat.  Don’t worry about the baking,  cornbread is easy to make.  You’ll need the following ingredients:

  • 1 cup yellow cornmeal
  • 1 tablespoon white sugar
  • 1 cup all purpose flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 1 large egg
  • 1/4 cup salad oil
  • 1/2 cup plain low-fat yogurt
  • 1 can of creamed corn
  • 1/2 cup shredded Monterey Jack cheese
  • 3 tablespoons minced habanero peppers
  • 3 tablespoons minced Anaheim chili peppers
  • 1 teaspoon red pepper flakes

In a large bowl combine and stir the baking powder, flour, sugar and salt.  Add in the oil, egg, creamed corn, cheese, yogurt and peppers.  Stir until all ingredients are evenly moistened.  Pour the batter into an 8-inch oiled square baking pan.  Bake at 375 degrees for approximately 30 minutes or until golden brown.

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Drink

This nice thing to do would be to provide a cool glass of milk to go with this dinner from hell.  But, you’re not nice.  Your guests will curse you even more when they seek to dampen the pain with a sip of their Wildfire Bloody Mary.  This drink from hell contains:

  • 3 cups of tomato juice
  • 2 lemon’s worth of juice
  • 2 tablespoons minced garlic
  • 2 tablespoons fresh horseradish – finely chopped
  • Worcestershire sauce
  • Tabasco sauce
  • Salt and freshly ground black pepper

Combine the lemon and tomato juice along with the garlic and horseradish and blend thoroughly.  Season with the Worcestershire sauce, salt, pepper and plenty of Tabasco sauce.  Refrigerate for at least 4 hours prior to serving.

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Dessert

If your guests are still alive at this point, a devilish dessert awaits them.  The Volcano Pumpkin Pie is deceptively spicy, and it provides for a fitting conclusion to this meal from hell.  To make the pie filling you will need:

  • 2 cups of store-bought canned pumpkin puree
  • 1 egg- beaten
  • 1 cup half and half
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • 3/4 teaspoon ground ginger
  • 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg – grated
  • 1 1/2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
  • 1/4 cup honey
  • 2 tablespoons of pecans ground to a fine powder
  • 1/2 teaspoon sale
  • 3 teaspoons cayenne pepper

Combine all of these ingredients in a large mixing bowl and beat them together until the mixture is smooth.  Place mixture into a store-bought 9-inch pie shell.  Sprinkle a little cayenne pepper on the pie shell prior to pouring in mixture if you desire to be especially evil.  Bake for 15 minutes at 425 degrees.  Turn down the oven heat to 350 degrees and bake for another 35 minutes.

Make sure to have a tall glass of cold milk, along with some cool whipped cream on hand as a final gesture of compassion to your guests who have endured your evening’s worth of torture.

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1 Comment

  1. Jason says:

    I love spicy cornbread, I’ll have to give this one a try.

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